I read today as i first awoke a quote saying “stop apologizing if you are goin to continue to do the things youre apologizing for.” and it hits me he has stopped apologizing maybe he isn’t even sorry for how he treats me its normal his behavior to him. No matter how hard i try to help him and make his dreams come true and make him happy Itll never matter to him if Im happy. I think he honestly believes if he’s happy i am and everythings ok. On the off chance i actually tell him what i want he complains about it so Ive tried to stop and shut up. But when i say nothing he’salso annoyed. I never can win with him i can never be relaxed. Im still always scared. Just when i think its getting better i come home and he’s drinking again. And honestly i usually am happy if he is because Im less scared but Im still always waiting for the other shoe to drop cause if i Dont ill just hurt even more when it does.

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