So I guess I figured out my nightmares I hate I hate it I hate that I’m still scared of you that I don’t know when or if I’ll get over this everytime you send me a 😦 I get nervous you’re having a meltdown and going to take it out on me I hate. I hate that you don’t value the things I do but you value the things that I failed you on and don’t forget to remind me about it I have made mistakes and like anyone else I’m not scared to say I failed and I did at one point in one area of our lives and yes I hope that you forgive me of that too so while I spend a night to make it up to you part of my heart still hurts it hurts from me waking of the monster inside of you I still have nightmares of that monster I’m still scared by monster and I don’t know what else to say but its all my fault I’m not trying I get out of that fact I know its my fault but I feel that all this time you’ve been creating a monster inside of me when you tear me down or even worse when you don’t raise me up. I’m scared of what will happen on the day that Monster comes out cuz that monster is isn’t vicious  that monster don’t involve other people that monster will simply be able to stand up and walk away I don’t want that my sal is I don’t want that monster to survive but I don’t know how to kill it.


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