taunting dreams

dreamssleep I can’t seem to find sleep. I can’t seem to find my peace, I’m happy. happier than I’ve been in years and years maybe ever in all honesty wow that just came out, I’m happier than I’ve ever been before, I have a family not just my parents not jus my kids or siblings or friends that are like family not just a partner soon be husband as family, I have the whole shebang. and it’s not that I feel something missing necessarily. just feel like I can do more be more not want more just can somehow do something worth something.

man I don’t know I just feel like I could shed this skin I’m in and transform in to something better but every time I try  it just doesn’t feel in the right direction.

I’m a good mom it’s really the only thing I’ve ever been good at and I feel like I’ve been doing it since I was 7 years old. cooking cleaning taking care of people yeah I love it I love getting t done making a difference making a change every day kids family it changes.

why can’t I sleep I lay in bed exhausted my mind slowly shutting off and I feel like one of those dolls that’s eyes close the moment you tip them. ugh I can’t remember what I dream anymore but it feels like flashes of bad memories or a horror movie ya know.

I got so close in my dream last night I felt the ending come wanted it to be done but just then I awoke this seems to now be the pattern. never getting it done never getting to the end, never knowing… how frustrating!!

I feel like my dreams are taunting me with tid bits of knowledge, something I should know or do but I can never quite get it off the tip of my tongue.


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